Free Downloads Christian Psalms

As the previous Post described, I compose, record, and post my Psalms weekly on a web-site. Go to www.last.fm.com and type bucky gelo in music search. My songs are free to listen or even download. Enjoy!

The Psalm Story

I play in a rock band for the Life Teen Catholic Mass now, going on 4 years. It is still a Catholic Mass, complete with two scripture readings, a Gospel reading, and a Psalm. (There are many other things done, defining it as a Mass, but for today, I wish to talk about the Psalm. The Psalms were written by King David, and intended to be sung, as they are songs to God. The majority of the years I have played in the Life Teen band, I was the lead guitar player. For almost a year now, I have acted as music director,when the original band director moved to another city. The band not only plays music before, during and after Mass, but becomes an integral part of the Mass, providing musical cues to the priest, and other ministers. It took some time for me to get "comfortable" with all the subtle cues the band supplies throughout the Mass, but the Psalm, is something different, a new song that rotates on a three year cycle, 50 per year, for three years. The Psalm can be read, but the preference is to sing the Psalm. I had the task of learning the Psalm each week for the service. As I said, we are a rock band, providing the musical ministry for teens. I perceived the already composed Psalms as sorta corny, considering the majority of our music is rock related. Also, it took time to learn them each week. One night on the news, I heard a story about a computer programmer, who quit his profession, and started playing and composing music. When asking a friend if he thought it feasible, the friend replied "Write one song a week for an entire year and if you can do that, it could be feasible. Well, the guy started writing these funny little tunes which took on the label of "Geek Rock" and made a name for himself. I thought, well, if this geek can cut a path in that direction, I can do the same thing with my Psalm dilemma. So I began writing a Psalm a week, in a more contemporary style, better suited to the teens, and also taking on the challenge of writing a song a week. The main difference is, my focus is to magnify the glory of Jesus instead of geekism. I took on this challenge to myself the first week of January this year. I've had a few stumbling blocks with creativity, but for the most part, have written a song or Psalm a week, for the last nine months. Some are not as creative as I'd like them to be, but some are really special to me. Many, I have hastily recorded to pass on to my band to learn for the Mass. Many have not been recorded at all. Darn that summer; so many other things to do! Now that fall is here, I will attempt to go back and record the missing ones so that I will have a record of them. If I can keep this up for two years and three months, I will have completed the three year cycle of them! I have made available these songs on my blog site. The work is far from completed. Many of the recordings, are not too hot, and need to be fixed or totally re-recorded. So, my friends, that is the Psalm Story! Peace be with you!

Notes on Embedded Music

OK, so I did figure out how to get this Last.fm web site to host my music, and link to this blog, but the blog only shows three songs to choose from. Clicking on the Last.fm site, will take you to the actual Last.fm site and you can find the left side row of boxes and click on albums. That will show you two albums, with all the music posted so far. Check often, and I will continue to add as the compositions are recorded.

Peace be with you

Bucky

Let There Be Music

Well, hopefully, I have successfully added the appropriate links to bring my audio files to the blog. I have been converting, embedding, pasting, encrypting, and God only knows what else to try to get this done!

Music Lessons at your Home

Friends II

I have played in many, many bands over the 45 years or so that I have played. For the most part, once ya leave a band, you very seldem see the other musicians. Long about 1989, I got a call from a guy looking for a guitar player in his band. His bass player had seen me playing solo at some festival, and took my card. Well, it so happened that the guitar player I was replacing, and I met at our mutal friend's house. I ended up playing in this band for 6-9 months, but not only did I become very good friends with this guy, but his friend that left the band before me. This friendship has lasted over 17 years and growing. My friend, Shadow, as we call him, and I see or talk to each other on a regular basis. And Down Home Dave, the guitar player whom I replaced in Shadow's band, and I see each other a couple a times a week for lunch or jam on guitar. Its so strange how friendships overlap, and link others together. I have gotten to know these guys' families, friends over the years, and they too have become friends with the other friends I already know. If I tried to do a reunion with all the past band members I played with, wow, what a huge ensemble that would be!

FRIENDS

I am approaching 60 years old, and I guess I'm getting sentimental in my old age, but I was just this morning thinking of some of the old friends I had in high school, and later in life. High school, takes me back to the early to mid 60's. We moved to a small village (at the time) of Ontario, NY in 1960. The day we moved in, a kid was out in the road, watching us move in. He came up in the yard, and smile on face, stuck out his hand, and said "Hi, I'm Tom Briggs" Well, we ended up being great friends. As you can see, He's a clown, still yucking it up and making us laugh to this day. The previous pic, is him in high school, with the guitar. I taught him how to play, and we formed a band in high school, called the Chillers. We did dances at school, parties, etc. Just this week, we talked about doing a Chillers reunion, for fun! We ended up marrying two sisters, and becoming brother-in laws. One sister divorced me, and we're back to best friends. Our friendship has lasted 48 years. Life for me, would have been very different, growing up without Tommy.

The Irondequoit Bay

Sept 4,2008

So.........I have not blogged in way over a year!

I fell in love, I got married, I moved, I ..............

well, you get the picture!

Anyways, I have not had a chance to paddle canoe, since I did all of the above, either. But, last week, I paddled three days in a row! The first day, I went and forgot my camera. I saw so much! The second day, I had the camera, but after a couple shots, the batteries went kapout! The third day, I brought plenty of new batteries, and got some wonderful shots. The south edge of the bay is a labrynith of reeded channels. I used my otter-tailed paddle to go as silently as I could. I rounded one corner, and there was a Great Blue Heren, right off my port gunnel. I don't know which one of us was the more startled! As a rule, they see you coming, and only allow you to get so close before they take to flight. This time, I was already right next to him (or her!) It did take off, but it was closer than I'd ever gotten before to one. I most likely would have not had time to snap a pic, even if I had the camera! Later, I saw an Eagle way up, circling around and around. But the highlight of the day were these Swans. Two of them were doing this mating (I guess) ritualistic dance. I have seen this sort of thing on nature shows, but this time, it was 6-8 feet away from me. Their heads bobbed and swayed in perfect unison. It was a spectacular ballet. The climax was their head and necks entwined around each other. I was simply entranced. Wow! Life is good. The Lord has made such a wonderful world for us.

Peace be with you!

My year in review response to Theresa

My last article reviewing the year, recieved such a lovely response from my Fiance, Theresa, that although I will not post her response, I will post my response to her:

Theresa,
Your words melt me into a pool of tears. I have always said that you always have the right thing to say, but its so true; you do. My faith is not worthy of praise as you say; I am just growing in the Lord. I have not had to withstand the real test of faith like Ken did. In my worst times, I drank, shrunk away from society, clawed at anyone who dared come near me. I have come quite a long way in my journey of faith, yes, but I cant be compared to Ken. I still do not say the Rosary daily, or keep up with my Bible readings on a regular basis. I do pray more often, longer, harder. As I try to impress in Ian, its not complying with obligation mass that is so important as he insists, its how we live our lives. We are preparing for our life in heaven by how we live our live on earth. How we deal with everyday life; the anger, the insults, the lies, the deceptions, and most of all, the minute to minute dealings with our loved ones. We all are only human, and will back-slide, of course, but its the rebound, the learning from our mistakes, and the art of forgiveness and the suppression of the judgment of others. We are not perfect; only Jesus was. We all sin, and have faults. Ian would be surprised at who ends up worthy to enter heaven. Albert's wife, Claire had a funny saying "I'm afraid that I will meet a lot of people I don't care for in heaven" We all need to find the good in people, and not judge. We all walk our own path with God. My path is not as narrow and straight as Ian's, but for all the obligatory road signs he adheres to, he has to learn (we all have to learn) that it is what we do in life and how we make an impact on others, that is more important than compliance with the church doctrine. If only I knew what he knows now when I was that young. I do know that our plan is pre-destined by God. I do believe that without the trials I was put through in life, I would not have met you, or developed the faith that I have now. There is more than one path leading to the same destination, and nobody really has the same path to trod. Its the learning from our mistakes, the constant prayer, and our eye on the cross that will gravitate us closer to our promised destination. I will try to glean something from Ken, Ian, you, Al, and all those who believe, and use the knowledge to influence those I meet in life. that is what we are called to do, and so often do not do to the full extent of our abilities; stretch our comfort zone. Our church life is only the tip of the picture; its taking it out into life and magnifying it. Its you lifting me up when I need it, and me doing the same for you. God is great.

The Year in Review 2006 in my Eyes

The Year in Review in my eyes 2006

As I look back at the year, I reviewed my blog, which I started in April 2006. One of the first articles, though not THE first, was one titled Ken. Ken, was and will always be a lasting influence in my life. His views on life (and death) were real eye-openers to me, and I'm sure I'll never meet another Ken in my lifetime. He possessed a faith in God that I never encountered and I strive to model my life after his beliefs.

The past year and a half, I have taken a sabbatical on life, after injuries to my back, my confidence, and my whole being. I quit my job, became recluse, ceased to play my music, and taught myself to be devoid of all emotion, especially, love. As my faith in Jesus grew, still determined that I was incapable of love, I turned my devotion to Jesus, and started looking into the options of becoming a priest. I discovered to my dismay (though I don't know why) that I was too old to undertake that change in my life.

At the same time this past year, I began corresponding with a wonderful lady from the church where I play. We only saw each other for a minute or two after the service as I was walking out the door to go home. Little did I know what plans God had in mind for me, but thanks to my blog, and e-mail, we began a relationship that blossomed into the most precious love I ever have known. As our e-mails became more and more personal, the walls around my heart began to soften, and crumble. Eventually, we started to "see" each other, and things happened faster than I ever imagined possible. From plutonic e-mailing to dating over the summer, I found myself asking her to marry me. The words just tumbled out. To my supreme surprise, she said yes.

The rest of the year unfolded planning our wedding, seeing each other as time allowed, dreaming of each other, and getting used to feeling my heart beat inside my chest again. As the year evolved, I began to search for gainful employment. That certainly has had its ups and downs, and as the years ticks down to the last few hours, I am still not working. I am due to start a new job January 2, 2007.

After so many years of despair, sorrow,and heartbreak, my life has taken a complete 180 degree turn in 2006. As I sat down to reflect on 2006, I thought I would be notating so many different political and historical events, but all I can think and talk about is Theresa.

Why I am considered a "Scrooge"

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FIANCE:

Hi my love
This morning upon reflecting on your sister's joking remarks about eluding to me as Scrooge, I thought I'd write a brief essay explaining myself, so that she may have some at least vague understanding of how things evolve in one's life.
What Christmas has come to mean to me, and why I'm considered a Scrooge

Much of my adult life, I worked in a retail environment, and became accustomed to large sales, the pressures of high volume traffic filtering through the store, the expectations of the store, and the zaniness of the crazy customers. Christmas came to represent the paramount apex to the shopping season. I learned to expect long working hours, very little time off to shop, or enjoy the season as most people had a chance to. As the years forged ahead, the demands of the retail environment, the higher pressure of the increased sales expectations, the trend of commencing the Holiday shopping season from after Thanksgiving, to after Halloween, began to erode the zeal, the drive, the excitement to the point where I felt like a virtual slave, an indentured servant to the public, with no life of my own. In years of economic slumps, the demands and attitude of the retail life weighed much heavier on the shoulders, as if we the sales force had to make up the difference of the loss of sales personally. Merchandise was sale priced in attempt to meet the demands of the shopping world, commissions were unfairly cut, monthly sales quotas raised to impossible resolutions, tempers justifiably tweaked, and the Holiday turned from a time of Peace, Love, Joy, and Forgiving to an ever growing nightmare of frustrations, stifled family life, depression, and anxiety. Many a year, I was forced to do my own personal Christmas shopping on my abbreviated lunch hours, fighting traffic, and being at the opposite end of the never ending lines, still being punished for things I had no control over. Like the Grisswald's Family Christmas movie, I was accustomed to receiving a bonus at the Holiday season, and sales perk for meeting the monthly sales quota. One particularly bad sales season, I ended up with a frozen turkey, no bonus or perk, having missed the sales quota by $ 100.00 or less out of $ 100,000. I spent Christmas day on the floor in a corner of my room, after the family opened their gifts. I was emotionally drained, physically ill, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. After being separated with eventual divorce looming over my head, the Holiday took on an entirely new dimension for me. As my children spent the cherished part of the Holiday (Christmas Eve, and morning) with the "Ex", I languished in my studio apartment, alone, a submarine sandwich, and a beer. I was forced to extinguish all forms of outside world connections, such as TV, Radio, etc. so that I was not tortured by the sunken blare of Holiday music and festivity, while the entire world celebrated the most prestigious day of the year. Life had evolved from rushing home from work to be with my loved ones, the joy and excitement of gift exchanging, and all the rest of the festive mood associated with Christmas, to lying in bed in my underwear, unshaven, sunken swollen eyes staring at nothing, impenetrable loneliness. That is what Christmas meant to me for many years and time out of reckoning.
Understand that it is not how I feel at the present time, but a look into the past, and a glimpse of how I perceived life.
Love Love Love

Guitar Repairs

So.........I haven't been blogging as a good blogger should! I wish I could say that the news has produced nothing to get my blood boiling, but that's not the case.

Anyways, this is to inform all that I also have a new site for guitar repairs: Repairs Rock.

http://repairsrock.blogspot.com/

Check it out! Still the same ole nutty sense of humor; just more guitar oriented. Even you non-players may get SOMETHING out of it; Who knows!

Legal Murder

It seems the police in the US have the right to murder now. I have always wondered about it when I hear story after story of how un-armed people are gunned or "stunned" down with increased voracity. The latest account of the people in NYC, gunned down after leaving a nightclub is too disturbing for words. 51 rounds fired into unarmed men, one officer alone firing 31 rounds. That means he had to stop and re-load. Maybe these party goers broke some law along the way, or resisted in some fashion, but did they deserve to die? I don't care which side made mistakes, and quite likely, both sides did; people are dead. People are dead who did not deserve to die over this. I understand that being a police officer is dangerous duty. I personally would never consider this profession. But these guys are trained, drilled, instructed, coached, tested, armed, and sent out on the streets to protect our cities. I believe they crossed the line and are the criminals when I hear accounts such as this one, and one after another. We have become a Police State. Between the actual criminals out there feeding on our society, and the police, we citizens are caught between a rock and a hard place. There is no safe place. Not our own homes, not out in the streets, not in our cars, or work place. We are subject to be murdered. I am petrified to be pulled over by a cop now. One perceived false move and I can be shot down, ex'd out, murdered, or any other words you want to use. The point is, I am no more.

Thanksgiving Holiday

3:55 AM, and I'm up on the hour Thanksgiving morning. The turkey's in the smoker outside since midnight. Its a crisp,clear, 28 degrees, and the stars are shinning like nobody's business. I check the bird on the hour. The last hour, I waited too long and the temp. dipped way below 200. Ideally, I'd like to see between 220 and 250, but its so cold out, the charcoal burns faster and within the hour, expended. I cant put but so much in at a time, or the temp will go too high. After four hours, its golden brown, and yummy smelling already. The water pan went dry this time too. I have been going to bed and rising on the hour to go out and check, but now I will stay up, and watch more diligently. The coffee's perking, and I'm up for the long haul now. Why go through all the trouble, instead of putting it in the oven like most folks? Am I a fruitcake? Maybe, but one taste confirms that its worth the hassle. In the summer, the bird would have cooked faster, the charcoal burn longer, but tonight, I am smoking out in a freezer. Its hard to maintain my 220 degrees when its only 28 outside. That's OK; I will check it on the half hour from hear on in.
This year, I'm bringing the turkey over to my fiance's family. Her sister is also roasting a turkey. Talk about gluttony! There's that extra anxiety that it will come out goofy, because I'm bringing it to folks I don't know that well yet. Yawn; I hope I don't pass out by the time dinner is over!

Calif. College Bans Pledge of Alligiance

So this morning in the news I read about a college in California banning the pledge of Allegiance. Hmm, I think, its about time people pick on banning something else other than something that references God. But as I read on, I learned to my horror, that the mention of God WAS the reason for the banning. My blood started to boil for a minute, than I remembered the lecture I attended last night.
I saw this awsome Catholic Evangilist, Jesse Romero, speaking so passionately about Jesus. One thing he said, and I knew all along anyway, was that Satan, is the ruler of this Earth. The evil one is responsible for stirring up the hearts of mankind. He's got the United States just where he wants it. We are the strongest society to date, and will crash, as the Roman Empire, The Greek Empire, Sodam, and Gomorrah. Billy Graham, talked about Sodam, and compaired it to the US. He said" If you take L.A. NYC, Las Vegas, New Orleans, and stirr them together, thats Sodam. No morals, living in the flesh, anything goes, homosexuality, divorce, murder, lust, gluttony, to name a few attributes, thats Sodam. When God puts the hammer down, the US will crumble like cheap mortar.
We, as Catholics, are not doing enough to fight against the evils of today's society. the Mormans, Johovah Wittnesses, even the Baptists go door to door to promote their religions on a regular basis, and the Catholics, though many go to church, do not take advantage of anything Jesus has to offer, or even "know" him. They go through the motions, take communion, maybe go to confession now and then, and then go out and mingle without taking God's word with them. Luke warm, we are. Oh how sad, how so very sad, how so very wrong. Catholics ARE the original faith to follow Jesus. They need to wake up and act, act for themselves, for their families, for their church, for their leaders.
This past week in Rochester, NY, where I live, there were six homicides in six days, and the week aint over yet! The Devil is doing great, alive and well, winning the game, and we continue to fumble, turn our heads, lock our doors, and accept life for normal.
We have the best game plan, the strongest team, the biggest guns, the a team captain who can not be struck down, nor has ever swayed from the plan. All we have to do is be team players. Wake up CATHOLICS, you're being called to active duty, drafted into this war, and as Jessie said, dont go out there with only a nail file for a weapon! Do not be afraid. Follow the game plan and win!

Fall Splender in Upstate New York

I took these pics while enroute to the bank, the recycling center, just doing my normal errends within a 3-4 mile radius of home sweet home.

Last week, there was much red in a lot of the trees that are now bare; Boo Hoo.

I couldn't resist the snake rail fence scene, though it does not have much to do with Fall. Its a more common sight down south, but a spectacular sight up here on a quiet secluded road in Palmyra, New York.
The horse farm is just down the road from me.
The train scene, is less than a mile from my house. There used to be a passenger station there, and they say Lincoln's funeral train stopped there for water.

I love the wide open stretches of countryside that are so fast disappearing. Soon, there will be pavement, and tall buildings covering the entire country, and we'll run out of farming land, and starve.

For now, let us enjoy the splenderous work of God in all his majesty, and rejoice that we are alive on this beautiful Earth to wittiness it.

I will attempt to get back out and photograph the same scenes this winter, with its snowy white frosting on the landscape!

Bible carrying Teen Shot by police

"bucky gelo"

Bible carrying teen shot by police with stun gun dies.

Police shot and killed a teen armed with a Bible and shouting " I want Jesus"
Was it because he was shouting, or because he was shouting for Jesus?
Was he armed with anything else but a Bible, or did he have a gun or knife?
Just how dangerous was he to be shot with anything at all?
Was he disruptive? Probably, but are there no other means of handling unarmed folks?
Were the cops angry that St Louis is rated the most dangerous city in the country?
Was he in need of medications to keep his emotions in check, or possibly even deaf?
I'm grasping at straws here to try to rationalize how this could even remotely take place.
Is this how our society handles people out of line now? A young man is dead, and for what?
Should I not carry a Bible out in the open; Should it be concealed within my clothes?
Just which laws were the poor kid breaking here? Am I reading too much into this as a Christian?
No, No, I am infuriated with law enforcement procedures that allow unreasonable force to dominate a situation. I am enraged with the way our corrupt, demoralized, shoot first and talk later society murders. George Orwell's 1984 is taking shape only a little later than he predicted. Pretty soon, we'll have the thought police scouring our cities, people being monitored on the telescreens, and children turning their own parents in for breaking the laws that are so unjust.
That which is unjust, should not be allowed to be law.
Bucky Gelo

Parents, Start "Raising" your kids

Third Deadly School shooting in less than one week
Today, as I sat down to eat my lunch and read the internet news, I was shocked to hear of the third deadly shooting at a school in less than a week; this time in a small Amish town of Nickel Mines in Landcaster Co. Pa. In a one room school, a gunman, still not yet identified, killed a teacher, four students, and then himself. A couple days ago, a 15 year old student, angered about a reprimand, gunned down a school principal in Cazonovia, Wis. A day or two before that, an adult gunman, leaving a long rambling letter to his family, wandered into a school in Colo. taking six hostages, before killing a 16 year old girl, then himself. A year ago, seven were killed at an Indian Reservation in Minn. And of course, we still remember the deadliest of all, the attack at Columbine High, in Litteton, Colo, leaving 15 dead, including the two teen gunmen.

How many more innocent people will die before we take the proper steps to make our schools safer? How many more will die before we get guns out of the hands of children? How many more will die before parents start raising their children instead of letting them run adrift in a sea of evil? The responsibility begins at home. No, there is no easy fix, but people must start taking care of their own kids, not expect the schools, and government to do it for them.

I find it hard to believe that there are no warning signs of anger before a kid takes the life of someone. I find it harder to believe that there is not tighter control over weapons. Personally, I am tired of hearing about the right to bear arms, and the other rhetoric from the NRA. There are no more excuses to have me change my mind; though I realize that its probably too late to swing the tables back in the other direction now.

Too many lives are lost, too much is at stake, so little is being done. We learned nothing from Columbine, in the last seven years. I thought schools were locked down tighter than that, and metal detectors already in place, but obviously, I was dead wrong.

They say, a simple thing such as all the family sitting down to dinner at night helps to strengthen relationships, and tighten family bonds. I realize life is tough now, with folks working multiple jobs to make ends meet, but are not too many of these cases, simply to raise the bar enabling the family to own a new car, go to Disney World, all have cable TV, and cell phones? What's more important, tightening our belts a bit, and raising responsible children, or driving a new car, an out of control smoking, drinking, gambling habit, all pulling our family structures out of control? Then, there is the rich, professional families, simply allowing their kids to go unchecked, never giving any attention to their children's homework, computer habits, movie viewing, or violent game involment. I guess the key work is "involvement" It seems to be non-existent anymore.
If we don't wake up soon, we are going to wake up dead. This isn't a joke. Wake up people, and start "Raising" your children.

Politics and corruption; the Death of the Great US

Politics and corruption: The Death of the Great US

I did not vote for George Bush; either one of them. Some elections I did not bother to vote at all. Ever since Richard Nixon (who I did vote for) brought to light the modern day corruption scandals, I lost my appetite for exercising my vote. My whole conception of what a Democracey is and what I thought it was, obviously are two completely different definitions. And to make matters worse, the more I learn about how we have squandered all our precious resources, and how powerful politicians have been able to capitalize, the more I removed myself from the frey of it all.
Fast-forwarding to today, I am older, and as to wiser, I doubt it, but having said that, seeing the outcome of current events spin out of control before my very eyes, I guess my first instincts weren't so far off as I imagined. What amazes me is how blatant the corruption is, and how nothing ever gets done about it. Or re-phrasing that, by the time we get good and mad about it, things have gone so far off the mark, and people get so powerful, that large chunks of history pass by in the mean while. Yes, Nixon was brought down, and then others in his place sprung up, powerful in their own right, using subtle authority to move their chess pieces into motion, enacting legislation to distort the constitution so that they're next fling of political corruption slides through, like Ex-Lax, with their smooth double talk, and their pork barrel tactics, waving their candy coated legislation in the name of Democracey by the peoples' choice, meanwhile, their "real agenda" goes undisturbed until so much time goes by, that the damage is done. So many pockets are lined with the spread of unjustness, the laws get so convoluted that it takes decades of legal analysts to figure out that the king really isn't wearing any clothes at all. Such an elaborate illusive net of deception is spread over the public eyes, that we are lulled into a false sense of the biggest bunch of bull that the world has seen, but decorated with most deceptive facading, that now down appears up.
How can we believe a President that literally stole the last election right out from under his opponent, when he claims that his war effort is making the US safer than before we invaded? Our number of dead Americans has already equaled if not surpassed the number killed on 9/11. The number of Iraqis dead for our efforts is incalculable. Is not part of the reason we are spending more time pointing fingers at each other, and throwing blame in our typical corrupt potitical fashion, than facing the obvious truth and admitting we screwed up in the first place? We're not just shovelling fleas across the barnyard here, we are playing with human lives.
Instead of the well worn phrase "Support out troops" we really should be proclaiming "Pray for our troops", but then we have degenerated into such an Immoralized nation that now we are paying our atonement once again in blood for our sins

God threw the ultimate curve ball

God threw a curve ball

Faith is an ever changing presence in one's life to say the least, but today, I wish to talk about the most obvious changes it has made in my life.
I was brought up and taught the Roman Catholic Catechism, served my first communion, but not brought up as a family that went to church on any regular basis. For whatever reasons, we were not a regular church going family. As a teen, we moved out of town to a small farming community, and I tagged along to a Methodist Church with my brother-in-law and sister's family. I'm not sure how strong my faith was, but for what ever reasons, I ended up attending two church services and singing in the choir. As a young adult, I slipped back into not attending church at all. Again, the habit, if you can call it that, was not instilled in me. In the early 70's, living in Virginia, where they were doing their best to integrate their schools, I sent my young daughters to a Catholic school to avoid the bussing laws being enforced at the time. But again, we did not attend church on any regular basis.
After my first marriage failed, and I moved on to a relationship with a new spouse, we started to attend church, but again, not on any regular basis. I think laziness sets in, but for whatever reasons, it seems harder to acclimate to something such as going to church on that regular weekly basis. Being a musician most of my adult life, I slept most of my Sunday mornings quite late, and the church thing became more elusive than ever.
Well, the second relationship failed, and I found myself alone, and attempted to turn to God to stabilize my life. I did not attend church, but prayed the best I knew how. I did a lot of asking "why me God" and asking him to normalize my life once again. I prayed more and more, asking him to send me a love in my life once and for all, but nothing happened. Because of the extenuating circumstances of my marriage break-up, I carried around much hatred, and animosity, which only increased as time went by. For the last 14-15 years, I stumbled through life, sinking into a deeper slump, and becoming more recluse each day.
Two years ago, I was asked to play in a church band each week. Because of distance, I was reluctant to do so, but my friend would not take no for an answer, and I found myself playing for the Roman Catholic Church each week. At first, I showed up, and played, and went home. Without exactly knowing when or how, I slowly started to "feel" the need to pray to God, but this time, I did not pray for anything personal. I did not pray for him to send me a wife, or a better job, or get rich, or anything like that.
They say that God works in small increments of change, and slowly, I DID began to change. I started praying for one thing; to be used by God to use my musical talent to minister for God. I started praying that all the time. I found myself praying harder, and harder all the time. After a while, I expanded my prayer to a more general sense of, just "USE" me. I did not realize at the time, but my faith had grown quite a lot, and my paramount prayer was to be used by God. It did not matter how, just to be used.
I began to finally accept the fact that I was meant to be alone for my remainder of time on earth, and continued to pray to be used. The words to the songs I was singing became more than just words to me, and I started living out what I was singing about. This past summer,. I attended a youth conference at a Franciscan University as a chaperone, and during the weekend, decided to make some bigger changes in my life besides simply pray to be used. I decided to become a Catholic again. I even brought home information on the Franciscan Monks. As I said before, I was already resigned to the fact that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life anyway.
At the beginning of summer, one of the ladies at my church and I started to e-mail each other about this and that. She was reading my blog, and commenting, being one of the few to do so. That in itself got my attention. Some others only commented if I wrote something religious, nobody except this lady commented on almost anything I wrote. I slowly began learning about her and her life. I found out she was widowed, had a young 14 year old son, and was alone for the last couple years. I began taking interest in her son, wondering if he had any male influence in his life, etc.
All the while, my faith was growing, snowballing, if you will, and my heart was once again open to love, God's love this time. As I began developing a relationship with this young man, not an easy feat in this day and age of child molestation in the church, I wanted to take him to a baseball game. However, I could not just ask him to go with me alone. I asked my own son to accompany us, but he did not realize the urgencey of my request, and ignored me. Theresa and I were now e-mailing each other, almost daily, but other than a few short minutes of talking after church services, we were hardly carrying on a "relationship" by any standards.
Our e-mails, getting a bit more personal, frequent, I finally asked her if they would like to go to the baseball game with me. To my amazement, she said yes. After that night, things started to happen in a quickened state, that looking back, was startling.
I found myself making room in my heart for God and Theresa. Just when I thought I saw a direction that my life was taking, God threw the ultimate curve ball. I never saw it coming, but I was in love. I was in love with Theresa. After so many years of unanswered prayers, God was answering them now. After contemplating getting measured for a priests frock, God informed me that there were other options I could now consider.
We were seeing each other quite frequently now for several weeks, yet we had not even held hands, let alone kiss. That being said, I realized that we were both in love, a love that was stronger than I ever imagined, even being married twice before. We finish each other's sentences, know exactly what each other's thinking, its spooky.
One night, she started to tell me that I was the "only one", and before I knew it, I told her I wanted to marry her. She said yes!
This brings us back to the original theme of faith, and proof that God does work in mysterious ways, when we least expect it, but his love is unchanging, his grace is uncalculating, his mercy is indescribable. Never will I question my faith, never will I question his presence. Always will I praise him, and adore him. God has indeed thrown the ultimate curve ball.